"Dummer Dude"

Something you should know about me. I use a cup. 


Tossed bottles aside before the age of 1 and kicked sippies 6 months ago. I feel a chest hair breaking through any day now.

Back to this cup. Ma fills the sucker with milk and I take what I want from it, open the fridge and place it on the shelf that's easily accessible. When I want more, I get it myself. 

Ma was busy cleaning a poopisode in my bathroom. Lucky her.  Conversation goes as follows (keep in mind my speech hasn't caught up with my brain and for some reason I often repeat things I hear. Trust me, I'm tougher than I sound):

Me: "Milp Pease!!" 

Ma:  "Get it yourself, your cup is in the fridge"

Me: "Oh. Oh tay."

Open fridge, cup is empty. I hate when I put an empty cup in the fridge.... a total pump fake! I throw the fake out in the sink. Time to fend for myself.... Ma's obviously in a foul mood.


(...a few minutes later)

Milk: "SPLAAAAAAAASH!"


Ma runs into the kitchen. I'm standing on the perfectly positioned stool drinking from the milk carton previously located on the top shelf. 


Yes I know Mom. Go ahead and thank me- I didn't make you refill my cup. 

Ma: "Xander Foreman!"

Seldom.... does my Ma use my first and last name... I must have done something wrong?  Let me appease her with an Uh-oh...


Me: "Uh-ohhhhhhhhh"

Ma: "Bummer Dude."
Me: "Dummer Dude" 
Ma: "You got that right."

It only took me two time outs and five slip and falls to get the majority of it cleaned.  

There.  Good as new. You're welcome Mom.